Make the Call

Before I go any further in this blog I need to put out this important message that If you believe you have PTSD, don’t try and live with it by yourself.

I know I did it, but there were so many dark days that I could have simply made the wrong choice or not have been so lucky that my career and my life could have been drastically different.

The first thing you could do is turn to a good friend. One that you trust with your life let them be a soundboard. Tell them what you want to or feel that you need to.  A truly good friend will not judge you. This friend will be there for you in the darkest of times.

If you don’t have a friend like that or you’re a point where you don’t want to involve a friend, like I was even though I had some great friends, there other sources of help out there.

If you feel like you need help immediately call 911. Other wise try call in the Veterans administration Veterans Crisis Line at 1-800-273-TALK (or 8255). This is a confidential helpline manned 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. Their website, http://www.veteranscrisisline.net/ is also available to help the service members, families, and friends. According to the VA, since its start in 2007 they have taken more than 650,000 calls and been involved in more than 23,000 life-saving saves. Also through the website they have an online anonymous chat.

If your still in then go to your Chaplain, they are trained to listen and help. They won’t judge and as long as they don’t feel like you’re a threat to yourself or anyone else then everything will be confidential.  

Friends and family, if you know someone you are concerned is hurting, you maybe the very first or last line of help for them.  You may have to make some tough choices, but a simple call can save a life.

You are not alone in the fog

For many years of my life, it was like wandering through a thick cold fog at night. Not a normal fog, but like the creamy British fog that wraps around you and makes you numb with wet and cold.  I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and for more than two decades I kept it a secret from most everyone in my life.

The U.S. National library of Medicine describes PTSD as an anxiety disorder brought about traumatic event or events involving death, injury or the threat of either or both.  In other words it is the reaction to a horrible situation that a reasonable person would not be prepared for.

I called it being screwed up from a messed up experience. My PTSD is not from one thing but almost a career of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. It has left me as damaged goods.

As soon as it started, I lost sleep; I was constantly worried that my doom was right around the corner waiting to pounce on me. I feared telling anyone, in my head I knew if I even mentioned what was going on with me my proud Air Force career would be done.

With in the very hour of leaving Iraq and arriving into Turkey, I began to drink. A beer was waiting for me on my cot, a gift from fellow Airman who only wanted to help me “relax from the stress”.

Alcohol became my therapist, my friend, and my way to sleep. It only turned out to be my worst enemy. Only luck, and my unwanted reputation saved me from military criminal record.

For a long time I felt horribly alone, unable to communicate with friends or family. I distanced myself and found solace in bottles. I sat alone and watched as the world moved along and felt only numb. When I contacted with others, I separated any emotion and gained nothing from the socialization.

In my darkest times, I wondered alone in my fog of life. Many lonely nights I wished for the fog to take me. I just wanted to disappear. The next day the fog would clear a little and I would carry on.

I made it through the dark cold fog and I now love life. I feel and give back. I don’t have the cure all answer to the dark pains of PTSD, but I hope my lessons learned can help others find their way. I hope that if just help one other person out there who is hurting alone may see their fog lift.